If you are like me, sitting at a desk 40 hours a week gets a little sad and unhealthy. If you can gather form any of my previous posts about hiking and the outdoors, I am the type of person who LOVES moving around, being fit and active. Sometimes, being tied to a desk all day is NOT great for my health. I realize this is not my typical post style, but today, I just need to vent, I guess….To be honest, in a little over a year, I feel that my body is starting to give up on me…mentally and physically. The shape of my face and body have noticeably changed, and while yes I could agree that now at age 40, with my metabolism is slowing down that could be effecting me, but I have never had weight issues before, or anything like that. I never expected one year of mistreating my body like this would reign so heavily on me.. I am being open and honest here because I feel that many other women and men are in my same predicament. I am whole heartedly grateful for this position, but with little to no accessible places to hike within less than an hour from where we now live, my mind and body become a little frustrated in the whole situation. I sometimes call this me getting Stir Crazy…but I am not in a position to be able to get up and leave my desk very often, so I sit…and wait…
Rather than completely giving up, I try to maintain a healthy balance of “required” sitting in one place all day, with trying to compensate by either eating barely anything (and drinking only water) throughout the day, or trying to walk or hike after work every night humanly possible. Some days, I am too tired after work (tired and super sore/stiff muscles, from just sitting in one place all day on a computer or phone, believe it or not) to take the dogs on a walk. So, on those days, I also maintain a slightly sedentary life after work too. I never knew that sitting still could make one so tired. This is NOT A GOOD SIGN…I want to get ahold of this issue before it gets any worse.
Don’t get me wrong, Travis and I still push through being so absolutely tired every day after work. By 5pm, and still either drive an hour to the closest hiking area, or take the dogs on a walk in a nearby neighborhood in our town. But, somehow, the activity I can get in the very minimal 2-3 hours after work before we settle down, it is hard to fulfill all those needs. Yes, we could wake up an hour earlier, take a long walk and then start our day, but as much as I try, I am still not fully what you would consider a “morning person”. Also, where is the time to then also tidy up the house after work or before? PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME FIND A BALANCE… There are many times I miss living with a National Forest in my backyard, back in southern Illinois. If we ever have that opportunity to live near nature again, you had better believe I will be out there ALL THE TIME….no matter the weather.
If I joined a gym, I would either never use it, or feel completely terrible that our dogs are stuck at home even more to lay on the couch and not do anything. So, the only thing keeping me going is the hope that some…day… sooner or later, something gives. And, taking a pain reliever to simply cope with sore back and shoulders from sitting in one place all day, that would not be fair to inundate my body with chemicals just because I am not getting enough exercise. My poor dogs sit on the couch or sleep all but a few hours a day - also I am so sad for making them deal with this lifestyle most days, too. By Saturday morning, all I want to do now is to sleep or do nothing…that is unusual for me, since I THOUGHT I was someone who would rather be active than not….again, a change I am seeing in just one year’s time in myself, mentally and physically. The depression that goes along with all these racing thoughts is sometimes overwhelming too. WHAT CAN I DO?!!!
Thankfully the days are getting longer, it is staying light much later than the months before, and we are learning to just push through being so absolutely exhausted every day, and doing our best to stay healthy, BUT where is the balance now? The only local “active” job that I could fine here was at a grocery store and they pay $11 per hour, plus take out taxes. They also wanted only weekend hours from me, leaving me in worse shape financially and mentally than ever before. What would help me? I cannot find any more hours in the waking day…I also only sleep like 6.5-7 hours max, trying to utilize every hour, no matter what. Where do I find happiness now?
I am surely paying off my purgatory for something I did in my past life, by making sure I arrive to work on time every day and to not leave early ever. BUT, in all this time I have, sitting in one place, I would’ve hoped that by now I could figure out a better way to stay healthy, instead of spiraling into this odd fun and depression that comes with me sitting still and not being active enough, and likely not eating right anymore. WHAT SHOULD I DO? Please help, anyone…How do I balance the needs of my dogs and the needs of myself here?
DAILY SCHEDULE:
6:00am - WAKEUP, SHOWER, DRESS, HEAD TO WORK BY 7:45am
8:00am-1:00pm - WORK
1:00pm - 2:00pm - LUNCH (WALK DOGS IF POSSIBLE)
2:00pm - 4:30pm - WORK
5:00pm - ARRIVE HOME, clean, do dishes, laundry, or walk dogs until 7:30-8:00
7:30pm - finalize dinner, eat and watch TV until we go to sleep around 10:00pm. So, 2 hours or so, we "finally chill”), but some nights, I do not start relaxing until about 9:00pm, when I cannot stand up anymore.
So, for now I am struck on finding some way to compensate for all the sedentary time I am dealing with….